I knew what was wrong with me. I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t stupid. I wasn’t even confused.
I have a neurological disorder with a name that appeared to be the cause of most if not all of the underlying negative feelings about my own behavior that I had been living with and compensating for all of my life.
I knew there was hope. It wasn’t my fault and there was nothing wrong with me except exactly what was wrong with me which became OK.
After finding and put on all the right combination of medications I stopped wondering, searching and feeling shame about my very existence.
I learned that ADD is a neurological disorder and has nothing to do with intelligence. It has to do with brain wiring and body chemistry.
I learned that there is no blood test and that it is diagnosed through symptoms which must have onset before age of 7 like difficulty sustaining a single task or getting organized, a sense of underachievement and a tendency to feel alone.
I learned that there is an 80% correlation between ADD and substance abuse and depression/anxiety disorders. I read everything that I could get my hands on, went to CHADD meetings and began to be verbal about this.
I began to address my shame-the all pervasive feeling that told me that I was fundamentally flawed. I not only began to advocate for my kids in and out of school, I began to advocate for myself in my personal relationships.
My life was no longer an uphill climb. I would have to say that I was happier than I ever have been in my life. (OK, with a few ups and downs) I see a therapist regularly who is trained in and knowledgeable about ADD and I am on medication prescribed and monitored by a medical doctor.
My kids are doing great. They take medication as prescribed and are integrated, socially adept, well adjusted, happy young adults. I can accept the person I am today with love and kindness.
I often feel a sense of well-being and peace and no longer castigate myself for walking on this planet. I find joy in living and feel hopeful much of the time. The inner voices are much gentler and continually remind me that all is well.
One day we can look in the mirror and instead of finding 100 things wrong with us, we’ll find 100 things that are right. We must be compassionate to ourselves, the way we’d be with friends.
Always be joyful,
Catherine Trammell ADD Advocate/Parenting Lifestyle Coach
PS: Ready to schedule a 20 minute talk with me click on this link. It's FREE! http://tungle.me/CTrammell
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